Merhaba, new blog! (And new blog readers!)
Finally commencing an online "memoir"/journal for myself, and newsfeed of sorts for my family and friends back in the States. As you most likely know, I flew off to Istanbul mid-April this year. Prior to then I was living in South Korea teaching little spunk-meisters how to curse in English. I came home for about three weeks in March/April and then headed off for a new adventure a la Istanbul.
I've been here about a month now and therefore think I can make a bit more sense out of everything that's come my way. For instance, the police en mass with their gas masks and batons don't seem as daunting as they were the first week. The angry protests down Istikal (the main shopping/entertainment street near my apartment) are not so overwhelming as they are daily and innocuous. There is also the hurdle of language, one of the more furtive though mundane obstacles of living abroad. I'd like to believe I'm capable most days, but then find my ego as quickly knocked over as the cup of coffee I try to apologize for, but embarrassingly can't. One would think I should just learn how to speak the darn language, I mean I think I should just learn to speak the darn language, but I think I've gradually morphed out of the traveler's alacrity for the new and into the expatriate's endurance for the everyday. In other words, I find myself gravitating more and more towards the everyday needs versus the outrageous, exciting and enigmatic experiences. I actually think this tendency may be the same equation as that for getting older. Is that not what the wise and sapient do? And isn't there that saying, "Travels are for the young." Or is that just what my friends and family have said to me? No, they/you said, "Best to do it (travel abroad) while you're young." I'm saying here that I'm beginning to understand what they/you mean. -I'm feeling older with each new experience. Language is but one example. Not only is my English ephemeral, but so are my memories of the new languages I've recently learned or am trying to learn. I'll acquire one word in Turkish one day, but then lose five words of Korean and forget how to use my English modals the next day. Most of the time I feel I'm in retrograde and therefore am frustrated with every "one step forward, two steps back" occurrence. I don't mind losing my Korean, but I do mind feeling old and slow. A smart person would combat this tendency with brain sharpening quizzes and puzzles, but the layman, i.e. moi, sticks to her obdurate limited communication and continually orders a similarly insipid/disgusting dish at every meal. *It did not happen this quickly in Korea. I studied Korean everyday and tried to speak with my fellow teachers. I had to learn it because not many people spoke English. After about a year I realized I didn't have to speak as much Korean as I thought, and let my studies and ambition taper to near nothing. The problem I'm seeing in myself in Turkey is that I've been here just a month and have already become ambivalent towards Turkish. On one hand, I feel incredibly lazy and angry at myself for being so, but on the other hand, ignoring that one stress (and a big stress, at that) assuages my mind to a relatively agreeable comfort level. Meaning, I ironically feel more capable when I am unable to speak the local language. Don't ask me why, but I think it has something to do with ego and the familiar being a large bolster to it. Like if you live under a rock, at least you know that one rock inside and out. But if you go outside of the rock, you have a whole headache of crap to learn! I enjoy the learning crap on most days, but when it's everyday, I very much miss my rock.
Time is another issue for the nascent citizen, and I have more time now because I'm not so worried about seeing EVERYTHING there is to see in the city. For the first couple of weeks there was nothing but a large stress bubble engulfing both my and my boyfriend's worlds. We worried about jobs, money, traveling, people, food, language and rent on loop. We wanted to see a lot of Istanbul but also felt insecure about our wallet size and therefore job searched for most of the time, ate for a quarter of the time and finally did our part as newbies to Istanbul, seeing a bulk of the sights within a couple days we took off each week (and those were the cheap/free sights - no 20 Lira Topkapi Palace kind of thing.) I'm fairly certain that this is a normal stress for most new expatriates, especially those without a steady income. That stress coupled with the newness of everything really brings your patience down to near nothing, and your annoyance level up to the back of your throat. Thankfully, we had each other to lean on, to bicker with, to commiserate and laugh with. If it wasn't for the Brendan and our few new friends here who have helped us with finding employment, I'm not certain how well I would have foundered here. Istanbul a likable city and I already have an affinity for it, but my comfort level is tested daily when I walk out my front door, and thank Whatever, there's a Brendan to escort me home when my patience has cracked and my mouth is spouting warnings of my internal combustion. Now that we're kind of finding our groove here, my combustion has lessened since. Yet, if there's one thing I've learn about allaying time stress (and all those things that fall into it), is that it's not a crime to take a day off. And that most of the time, those things that seem so stressful now are most likely hugely overrated in your head. Accepting that thought, I've been a lot less combustible and a lot more likable (by people and by myself.)
So, in all, I'm glad to say that life is a bit slower now and the city a lot smaller since we've both got a stable source of Lira these past couple of weeks. I will be doing a Governess position, which will be live-in as of June 1st, and Brendan will be doing a lot of tutoring and copy-editing until September, when he'll start full-time for an academy-like institution. Yes, this means we won't get to live together for the next year, but I think that may be okay as the most stressful part of moving halfway across the world is largely over. Now we just have to go with the flow and stop trying to tread so hard.
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